Life is not a straight line

I really don’t seem to get the concept of a 101 things in 1001 days list, do I?!

All I know is that these lists are supposed to inspire you to achieve personal goals… but what if your life has changed so much since the time you first penned those goals that many of them are now rendered useless – depressing, even?

By way of an extreme example, let’s say you had a list full of goals relating to physical activity, and then all of a sudden you’re crippled in an accident. Now what? You can no longer have goals like ‘Climb Mount Kilimanjaro’ on your list… they would just be an annoying reminder that you’re not who you were. The only sensible thing to do would be to make a fresh start with new goals for your new life.

Well, in a much more mundane way, that’s where I’m at right now. When I started this list I was a housewife with plenty of freedom to dream big. When I later updated the list it was because I’d moved back into the working world and had to adapt to that busy schedule. And now I’m itching to change the list again, because building a new home and having an ongoing career have reshaped my life once again.

Building a home costs me money, and working outside the home costs me time. Together, these factors limit what I can reasonably do for fun.

For instance, I love travelling. But keeping travel goals on my list for the next two years, when I know that there’s absolutely no budget for travelling, is just getting me down. As I see it, there will be no long holidays or trips over the next few years, because of finances.

Another reason I’m ready to rework my list is that I’ve recently realised how many of the goals are there for silly nostalgic reasons. Some of these goals I’ve already achieved once or twice before in my life, but they’re on my list because – until very recently – I’d been hankering back to my past as if I could recreate it in some way.

It’s only in the last month or so that I’ve finally come to realise that yes, my past was pretty cool, but my future could be even more amazing if I’d just face forward and dream again. Sure, some things are great fun and worth repeating… but maybe not if there’s something new to try instead.

I’ve also learnt a lot about the ‘101 things in 1001 days’ list since I first began. I’ve realised that it would be much more realistic if I had two lists: a ‘101 things’ list and a ‘someday’ list. The someday list could record many of the places I’d love to travel to and adventures I’d like to have, but which seem too large, expensive or impractical at this particular time in my life. They’d still keep me motivated, but without the pressure of a deadline. Then the 101 things list could be for the more achievable short- to medium-term goals, which rightly deserve a deadline.

My mom always used to say, ‘What’s a mind if you can’t change it?’, which drove me batty as a kid because I was usually the exact opposite: sticking boringly, tenaciously, stupidly to one thing until I’d completed it – even if the task had long since lost its usefulness.

Well, now it’s my turn to draw on my mom’s idiom and change my mind about some of my goals. So in the next post I’ll take a look at some of the goals that I think definitely need to go…

Happy birthday Sunshine Scrapbook!

WordPress has just reminded me that it’s been a year since I first signed up with them to begin creating my blog. I can hardly believe it’s flown by so quickly (but don’t we say that kind of thing every year?) 🙂

It all started with a tentative first post but soon kicked off properly with a post about – of all things! – cayenne pepper. After muddling around a bit with my doomed-from-the-start Fascinating Womanhood experiment, I branched out into a variety topics ranging from ratties to baking to setting goals. Along the way I’ve learnt a lot about myself. I’ve discovered some very special fellow bloggers and their writings. I received a few blog rewards, which was an honour, and I gained a few more followers over time.

Thank you!

But a lot has also changed in my life over the year that’s passed. When I first began, I had just recently quit my job to become a freelancer and housewife. I had so much free time to spend creatively, and I had a good idea of why I wanted to blog here. A year later and I’m back in the routine of an office job, which, although a blessing in its own right, leaves me with precious little time and energy for so many of the things I’d like to do.

I’ve realised that this blog is going to have to grow and change with me. I’ve been letting it lie fallow for a while (which by all accounts is blogocidal!) in order to think about my goals for this space. You may have noticed I’ve been posting infrequently, and I thank you for your patience. Just know that it’s with good reason. I want the Sunshine Scrapbook to be something more than a happy, messy jumble of rats, recipes and randoms 😉

Here’s to a new year filled with fresh perspective, fun ideas and new friends!

Zest

Goal #26 – Done!

Goal #26 – Participate in a 5km run/walk – is DONE!!! Today my best friend and I finally checked this fitness goal off our lists, and if I may say so, I am inordinately proud of myself for succeeding! 😀

Jozi 2013 Spar 5km Women’s Race

You see, I’ve never, ever excelled at anything physical. I’ve rarely even participated in anything physical. I’ve just always felt clumsy and not 100% at home in my skin; I don’t take part in sports, I can’t throw or catch, and I’ve believed everything people told me through the years to affirm that I’m ‘no good’ at physical activities.

Occasionally it’s bugged me that that aspect of my self has been left undeveloped for decades, but usually I forget about it because most of my living is in the emotional, intellectual and relational spheres. That’s the stuff I’m good at, so of course that’s what I’ve channeled most of my energy towards.

But then along came two factors that set me on a path to working on what I lack – and that path led me to today’s race.

The first factor was a very negative influence: a job that robbed me of everything that mattered to me (or, I let it do so). Months of erratic overtime and constant stress made it all too easy for me to compensate with feel-good foods, quick-fix dinners and zero time for exercise. In short: I got fatter and unfitter than I’d ever been in my life. This negative factor pushed me to to a place where I was desperately ready to reverse the damage and improve my physical health.

The second factor is a very positive influence: my best friend. It was her idea to do this race at first, but the more we chatted about it the more I realised that I actually really wanted to do this for me too. I wanted to do it precisely because every voice in my head was arguing that it’d be too tough and I’d fail and I simply wasn’t made for this kind of thing. I wanted to do it because I’ve spent my whole life avoiding physical challenges, which is just ridiculous!

So I had a push factor and a pull factor that got me through today. I was running away from something – from being overweight, from disrespecting my body, from making unhealthy choices, from the labels of ‘lazy’ and ‘unfit’. And I was running toward something – a physical challenge, a body I’m more comfortable in, a special achievement with my sister, new labels of ‘growing’ and ‘willing to try’.

Being among those thousands of milling women of every shape, size, age, colour and fitness level, I came to accept that there’s no need to be as hard on myself as I have been in the past. Sure, I’ll never be a pro runner; I don’t aspire to it at all. I’ll never look that way or train that way or try to fit into that mould. But hey, I can still run for fun! I can still set goals that involve hard work and physical fitness. I can still deliberately choose to challenge myself to become better for as long as the Lord grants me breath.

Today was amazing 😀

One tiny 5k race for Jozi, but one enormous leap of growth for me!