When last did you do something out of the ordinary, just for fun?
Last night Ninja and I enjoyed a moonlit tea party outside. It was a spontaneous suggestion from my man when he saw how beautifully clear the night skies were. It wasn’t a freezing evening either – just chilly enough to warrant wrapping up snugly. But autumn evenings are possibly the nicest time to be outside, because they’re not as cold as winter and there are also no mosquitos as in summer.
So I boiled up our rooibos tea and sliced up some custard cake, and we spent about half an hour enjoying each other’s company in the clear, quiet night.
I suppose this might not seem like such an unusual thing to those of you who have gardens of your own, but since we have no access to our landlord’s yard, we had to sit out on the pavement. That immediately made it an unusual spot for tea 😛
It was one of those memorable ‘live in the moment’ times for me. I consciously focused on my cold fingers clasping the warm mug, and the sounds of distant traffic and night birds, and the sweet comfort of the custard cake. It was also special to chat with Ninja under the stars, because years ago we shared a similar moonlit conversation as friends, a few weeks before we began dating.
Reflecting on that moonlit tea party today, I can glean another lesson from it: the marital lesson of saying ‘Yes, let’s!’ more often than saying ‘No, but…’. Part of the excitement that comes with dating is the spontaneity of experiencing new things together. But I think over time many wives (including myself) can get into the habit of saying no to their husbands’ spontaneous suggestions.
We ladies may look at our to-do lists and focus so intently on our responsibilities that we can’t see room for fun anymore. No wonder some men stop making suggestions when they receive repeated excuses. Or perhaps you say yes and then proceed to take over like it was your idea (oops… I’ve done that too!).
But in doing so we may be missing out on the one thing we actually want: romance! I’m willing to bet that men are more romantic than popular culture gives them credit for; it’s just that they’re not romantic in the same way as women. While we’re daydreaming about candlelit dinners and bunches of roses, we may have missed half a dozen romantic suggestions from our men.
The thing is, for men romance is primarily about companionship. Yes, physical intimacy plays an important part, but that’s only half the picture. Chances are your man just wants to experience fun things with you. He wants a companion to share both new experiences and old hobbies. He doesn’t always want to wait on you hand and foot (as in your idea of romance). To him, romance may be as easy as having you contentedly by his side 🙂
I know that I want to become more of a ‘Yes, let’s!’ wife.
What about you, ladies? And guys, am I on to something here?